First Fight

I can walk down the staircase with my eyes closed, swinging the turn with loose knees. I felt my face flush from the flames of those burnt bridges we played under, the river deep enough for those “if-your-friends-jumped” nights to show the moon her face reflected in sunken aluminum. Did you know they didn’t write enough love songs as casket-side reminders that you get love like you lose it, you can’t find it when you put it down and then– a Heimlich maneuver in your sleep. You remember the first time you saw me, and I told a boy that once too; that is how I know you, dream home television commercials and roadkill naivete all. This is how I loved you so much easier than waking in the morning became, back when we didn’t know yet; this is funny, to think of a world without the capitalized Us, u and i arranged together, greater glory days unimaginable to a smoky mind. And I’ll remember how your eyes twinkle, and I use cliches only when they ring true, when I knew you meant it, and that’s why I stay.

Pretend

I don’t know what mornings are without you, now, remember my name when they ask you who loved you first. I loved you whole and with the broken bits sticking out between my teeth, magpie bait for magic grinders. Tomorrow we will be iller in ways we don”t know but feel safer because your hand was on my back and that means we will be okay for the least five. I think about how equivalent years from now you might not remember my name, and that’s why I want to place it on your lower lip, tenderly, like she never did. I want to be what is lost out on but I know that’s all Lewis & Clark tales, you just don’t know our hands fit together because we haven’t tried yet to touch. One day we’ll love like this is laughter, press together like we are air, but now I steal your glances like child and candy bowl, lockbox safe until you realize we could be in love love love.

Copper

1. I am made of copper

you laugh

but my body

is conductor

to electrical impulses

spontaneous erosions

and electrodes

2. never sweat the small stuff

unless the small stuff is a swift uppercut to your gut

then sweat til

they don’t recognize

where the water comes from

3. made for you and me

i bent

but i am the stuff homes are made of

you may like high rises

i do not know

4. i am weak unless wrapped around

and around and around

5. i creak i creak i creak

it hurts so much to stay still

i move to forget

6. i am out of metaphors for the ache behind my eyes

from every conversation

i try not to ask

when did you first notice i became an open wound

and all my words

were sand and glass

confetti in your teeth

7. i forgot i had a few

lies to live up to

to save face

it got easier

to pretend i was okay

Thanks for the drunk dial.

We were mistaken.

I liked the way your eyes

were mountaintops

and I could feel your hand on the back of my neck

all night long. Why

is mirror vanity intentionally jesting

or are you a cold

scream. I fear this devil’s advocate word-chase would

lose its meaning

each time your eyes graze.

I am tender for your touch,

I knew already.

The following are reasons to stay away:

 

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