reasons not to look up your rapist on facebook at 4 a.m.

you’ve seen all those photos before

know those nail beds

the hot coals still glow in your stomach

thought you walked over them a long time ago

distance yourself by using second person

didn’t start off as intentional

same excuse she gave

wonder if she told her mom why you don’t talk

your mom found out from something you wrote on the internet

she calls it “the incident”

says if they knew how serious things had been

pregnant pause

what could they have done anyway

how do you leave someone who says they’ll change for you

you used to say

how did you stay

stop thinking that

how did she walk out

what good fortune broke every dish in your kitchen cabinet, girl

what luck left you with swollen red eyes and a runny nose

wished you woulda run sometimes

but now you recognize the achy joints

other people don’t know why you leave so soon

restless legs

but the next person who touched you like that

set off a three alarm fire

she didn’t know you had a molotov cocktail waiting for the next rapist

just in case

the next person who didn’t listen to no

got a torch to write home about

back to my original point

it does not matter who she lies to now

you gave up on believing a long time ago

cold calculated armor

it’s good to protect your heart

gotta balance it out with the love you relearned

there’s no room for reminiscing

over crime scene photos

a light poem.

laid those metal plates in the sun

i read you like that heat somewhere

skim with my eyes cause this

light’s too dim.

bulbs burnt out while back

we are trying to adjust so as to not

bump knees.

i spin the table top.

you don’t want me? fine.

i am a moth, i like those flames

maybe if i’d stayed in the closet

but it’s too late to know now right

it was all the same anyway

just a new set of challenges

just a little more lonely

just a different reason we stayed together so long.

change the light bulbs, change your life,

they’re all door to door salesmen to me

if you got that snake oil elixir, let me tell ya

i drank a whole bottle

still waiting to shed skin

still waiting for the lights to turn back on.