i have been in a lot of cabs

but i have only ever heard you yell

once before

i am lucky to have friends

i feel safe around.



when you look like you’re going to cry

you always start smiling

or break eye contact and laugh a little

but i get it

i wait to cry until i’ve dropped you off at home

it’s been awhile i think

since i trusted people

i don’t have to try

it happens or it won’t sometimes

we like fairytales more but

this story will be better to tell someday

when things have turned out alright

pink sweater

think i used to think

forever was a mile marker

state line i’d straddle

and we’d pretend to always be young

these hearts are already older

than they were before

take a breath

do it deep and speak

on the exhale

what will i need to relearn

forty times over

create culture

with the once or twice

each day i decide to be this way

hope you see me

behind your closed lids


and quiet

and screaming crying

and running

knotting over what we did

never knowing what we say